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It’s not a question of
‘did I love you to begin with?’ anymore.
I did,
Of course I did.
you were the risk that felt safe,
a picture with no frame.
i would’ve let you drag me to hell,
if it meant you’d stay.

So,
tell me, my love,
why didn’t you,
stay?

would you have put up with me a little longer,
if maybe I was a little smaller,
if my arms were skinnier,
my eyes , amber,
hair, a little longer,
lips, plumper.
would you have walked away,
if I took my clothes off,
even if I was uncomfortable?

the day that you left,
keeps replaying in my head,
the street on which,
you told me i was a trainwreck.
but then you held my hands ,tightly,
and you told me you were sorry,
so I mollified,
in your stringent embrace.

you were so broken when we met,
that when I held you,
I knew you needed the light to shine,
and I believe that’s why you took mine.
how foolish of me to believe you?
how woeful of me to still miss you?

but how could I blame you for not loving me,
when most times,
I find it hard to love myself?

~V

~to the love I found hard to walk away from even when it broke me

Song: Rough Love – Melanie Martinez

I’ve been daydrinking,
daydreaming about you,
I wish it were easy to forget about you,
and your stupid smile,
and the way it would bring out the wrinkles around your eyes,
Oh, your hazel brown eyes.

you told me writing is what made your heart glow,
so why don’t you write?
write about me?
am I not poetry?
but maybe? i know I made you smile,
so why did you lie?
it’s been hard, trying to get you off my mind,
especially after five.

I’ve been daydrinking,
thinking about you, that night,
when you kissed me under the pink moonlight,
an orange sky, we shared a chocolate pie.
you tasted sweet, like candy
a little sour,peachy.
now I find myself reminiscing,
having wine for breakfast at six,
tequila for dinner at two,
i don’t know what else to do.

I’ve been daydrinking,
deranged,you told me it was okay,
that the world isn’t a safe place, you are,
but you’re not here,
not anymore,
you left,you didn’t even say goodbye.
why do I still care?

so now I will have to bury you,
in the cemetery of my thoughts
where many others have gone,
before you,
beacuse right now, you’re just another painful recollection.

I’ve been daydrinking,
holding onto the memories,
i remember how you felt,
congenial,
you made me feel,
homesick,
your arms felt like home,
I was hysterical.
so I had to run
run from you,
I am,
running,
so fast,
parts of you are now starting to dissipate,
through the vacant hallways,
of this broken home.

~V

~to the love that felt like home

Song: Catch Fire – 5 Seconds of Summer

You enjoyed it,
playing with the strings of my heart like that,
and you would pluck,
each string, ever so gently,
the voices in my head grew louder every quiet night.

I couldn’t even feel pain,
when I lay there, in the tub and bloody shards of glass decorated my body,
numb,
because I could see you,
in the broken pieces of shiny glass,
you looked like an angel in the dark,
you’d come to collect what was left
of my heart.

so you crack open my chest,
with a blade ever so sharp,
and you whisper in my ear ‘it’s okay’.
it’s not, but I let you in anyway.

you suffocate the blood pumping
through my bleeding heart,
the voices now quieter,
I feel alive.

with hands cold to touch,
you pull it out,
a warm exposition,
with so much console,
like it meant nothing,
like I meant nothing.
it fits perfectly in your calloused palms.

with knives for fingers,
you carve into it,
broken pieces.
your sharp fangs descend into each morsel,
slowly,
after all, you are an angel.
inch by inch,
causing annihilation, devouring sections,
till there was nothing left.

~V

~to the love that almost killed me

Song: Consequences – Camila Cabello